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Exams

It's that time again. When freedom becomes a dream like in Martin Luther's days (oh those sad days for us blacks). Where drinking is only but a fantasy, watching your favourite TV show's back to back feels like a crime. Going shopping feels like you are doomed on loosing about 10% of the paper. Never mind the shit you are bound to fail because "this wasn't even in the notes"! So yes it's exam time. Fuck!!! That shit is the worst nightmare of all things..everything in the universe. It's worse that AIDS, Worse than a hurricane.

I mean, I always pray for anything terrible to happen during exams. Like an earthquake or another 9/11 only here though. Not in the fucking states. I pray that Jesus would finally come for the rapture. Even though I'm so fucking sure I'd stay behind. Oh I wish He could come and chaos would obviously follow. Anything to stop fucking exams! But sadly, nothing ever happens.

The shittiest thing is that your motherfucken friends all end up finishing their exams way before you do. Like fucking weeks before you! And while they're all going out having a blast and getting wasted out of their fucking skulls, your ass is locked up in sad, lonely and quiet room, filled with agony of trying to figure out a stupid derivation, god knows why the fuck you need to know how u got to that stupid equation that does fuck all for the world, as you weep and drown in your own fucking exam sorrow.

Girls and masturbation

Yes. Girls do masturbate. That's all that needs to be said about it. And no, not only the girls in the porn biz. Every fucking girl masturbates. Just like every other guy! Your fucking Christian Mormon deeply religious girls masturbate. They're actually the ones that MASTER masturbation. Your fucking widow mother masturbates. Obviously the thought is disgusting. Shit. It fucking is.

That's just how it is. So I don't get why everybody gets all sensitive about the issue. Like they're talking about a girl having crabs or some shit like that. It's perfectly normal. It's in fact, one of the greatest things mother nature has given to the human species. 5 differently shaped fingers, natural lube and a warm, pink 'tickly' vagina that can make you scream like no guy ever will.

So girls should stop being holier than thou coz I'm pretty sure God's waiting for every girl to just stick it in. That's why HE WATCHES OVER YOU DAY AND NIGHT girls. He's fucking waiting on your cum face. He loves it. Just make sure your dirty little fingers are clean though.

Killer Body

You know every woman aspires to be the sexiest thing alive. No really this is not even a lie. Yeah, I know some of you may say "oh my gosh no, I'm perfectly fine with my size 38 size. My man loves me just the way I am. I don't wanna be no size zero anorexic looking slut", but actually no it's quite the opposite. You might not admit it to people. You might not even admit it to yourself, but bitch you KNOW you wanna look like Halle Berry, whether you friggin 18, 26 or even 50. That's just the way women's minds are channelled. Deep down inside all that fatty layered double chin, cellulite thick skin of yours, you want to have a great body!
And I mean there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's not even a matter of impressing the opposite sex, or anything. Its just how society and the media have fucking conditioned out minds.

So stop denying it. It's okay. It's understandable. So I've come up with the probably the best solution. Better than that shitty homeopathic believer that all women in the world worship so much. Are you ready for it? It's called television! Yes I know what you thinking. "What? How the hell's watching TV gonna help me loose all this weight?!" With your eyebrows falling off and shit. Alright let me explain it to you. All you need to do is start watching a TV show that most guys are into. Something with lots of hot women. Kinda like... Entourage.

Oh now you get it. "That's why that idiot is always watching that stupid show", right! Now, you need to start doing the same. Learn to enjoy it. Because it will surely change your life! If you feeling shitty about your body, just watch one episode, that's all it takes. The women on that show will make you feel so shitty about your body, you'll get up, change into gyming gear and hit straight to gym instantly. Easy as fucking A B C!

Going International Baby!

There's a cute 20 year old guy that hangs out at my building. Always wearin' dem black shades, black jacket, motherfucker this guy thinks he's he's cooler than fucking summer. He rocks a fucking black....I'm gonna say it again. BLACK jacket in the fucking blazing hot sun. So anyway, this nigga, you know I find it so hilarious saying the word nigger. Not because of its historical slavery context or any shit like that, but because it just sounds weird to say. I don't know maybe its just me. I'm just uncool like that. Anyway this nigga, walks me to school right, and I'm so convinced he's fallen in love with me. Like sooooo convinced. Nigga be telling me about his future plans and dreams in hip hop, how he's supposed to be all international and shit by now. I'm like "Whot?" Only in my evil heart though.

On the outside however, My visible expression is like, "wow, really omg!!! I'm so fucking impressed right now. U have all these great big ambitions of becoming another lil Wayne. Yeah I'm so fucking in love with guys that curse and rock tatooes. Yeah the snap backs and tatooes typa cats. Yeah tell me more, I'm so fucking turned on right now." Right that's just my daylight visible appearance. One that most people get. Like an excited emitonic. But really, I'm like what the fuck dude? International? You ain't even national, never mind that, regional, provincial local whatever. Non of that shit. What u fucking bragging about? Telling me ur boys have been holding u back. What the hell nigga.

Seriously. International. That's like me saying hey, know what I'm supposed to be on NASA's latest project right now, you know, like being the IT guy that programmes their space ship velocity, dimensions and all that shit. I was supposed to be on that Mars rover, with those cats, but nah. My girls been holding me back and shit. Nigga u gotta learn how to distinguish reality from dreams. That's all I'm saying dawg.